Bicycle Fleetwood to Todd: A Most Calamitous Bike Ride

The bike ride from Fleetwood to Todd and return in Ashe County is a very popular ride. This Sunday a number of our friends met on this overcast Sunday for what was supposed to be an easy and uneventful ride. Little did they know .... The route follows the South Fork of the New River along an old railroad grade and probably doesn't rise more than five feet during its ten-mile length. Thousands of bikers negotiate this route each summer, most without incident. Not so on this day. In the following account the names have been changed to protect the stupid. The day started out OK. Dorcas and I arrived at the parking lot on time. I unloaded our bikes and gear. I then proceeded to pump up our tires. While doing so, the valve stem blew out of my rear tube and went flying across the river. Of course the tire immediately went flat. There was no chance of locating and re-installing the valve stem, but thankfully I had a spare tube. I installed the new tube and was ready to go. However, it is now 1/2 hour after our meeting time and the rest of our group had not arrived. Then Dorcas gets a call. It turns out that Biker No. 1, who is not accustomed to carrying bikes on the top of his car, does the drive-through at McDonald's in North Wilkesboro. You get the picture? Thankfully the bikes are not damaged, but the sign is mangled. It takes about 15 minutes to untangle the bikes from the bar and chains hanging from the "Low Clearance" sign. In the meantime the other drive-through diners get rude and things start to get ugly. The manager calls the cops. The cops arrive and bring on a ton of reports and paperwork. Things must be pretty dull in North Wilkesboro on a Sunday morning. Film at 11:00. Finally the bikers escape McDonald's and arrive at the trail head only about 1 1/2 hours after the appointed time.

The ride to Todd was uneventful. We had lunch at the old Todd Country Store, where Biker No. 2 was busted for taking pictures inside the store. I am pleased to know that Homeland Security is alive and well, and keeping the Todd Country Store safe. After a very nice lunch at the store, we started our return ride to Fleetwood. Not far from the start, I stop to put on my jacket. As I catch up with the group, I see a tangle of bodies and bikes in the road. Oh no!!! My first thought was that Dorcas had taken a spill. On most bike rides Dorcas takes a spill. But this time it wasn't Dorcas. It turns out that Biker No. 3 had run off the road onto the shoulder and then suddenly back onto the road. Biker No. 3 then collided with Biker No. 2 resulting in a tangle of pedals handlebars and wheels, with both bikers going down in the road. Biker No. 3 was uninjured, but Biker No. 2 had a badly bruised and swollen knee. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries, and everyone was able to bike on. About a mile from the finish Jim and I were biking side-by-side when a car approached from ahead. I sprinted ahead to get into single file and my chain broke. I looked back and it was laying in the road like a snake. My first reaction was to stop and turn around to go get the chain, but I quickly realized it would be better to just keep going ahead. I was only about a mile from the car, and it was all down hill, as it were. I hollered back for someone to pick up my chain, and I hunched into my best low-profile racing crouch. Eventually I slowed and began pushing off like I was on a scooter. Finally, about a half mile from the finish, I grabbed Jim's luggage rack and he towed me the rest of the way in. The way things were going you might expect that that would lead to another catastrophe, but you would be mistaken. Jim and I arrived safely at the parking lot without incident. By now everyone has arrived at the parking lot, and you might expect that there would be no more calamities, but, again, you would be mistaken. Before parking his bike, Biker No. 4 (Evel Knievel) rides over a pile of logs and wipes out. Woodpile 1, knee 0. Thankfully we all survived to ride another day.